I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
