she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
