Your mouth is God's brothel.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
