Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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