Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
