life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
