8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
