I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
