Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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