If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize