Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
