I looked at my own cervix.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
