just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
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