Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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