what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
