I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Randomize
