Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
