maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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