All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
