I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
