I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
