My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
