VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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