I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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