Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
