i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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