Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
