I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
