We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
