the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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