i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
