sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
