Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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