Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
