Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
