i think my tv is drunk
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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