sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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