Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
