I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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