She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
