dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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