This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
