Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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