i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
