It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
