I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
They should really pass out barf bags in church
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize