I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I understand Curling. That high.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
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