It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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