I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
