This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
