Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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