He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
