Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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