I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize