his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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