you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
