Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize