first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
