Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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