I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
