she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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