How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
smell my finger.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
