Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
