I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
