physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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