Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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