My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
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