someone get that fucking seahorse.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
