you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
