pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
