ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
