The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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