Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My vagina is officially offended.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
