I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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