Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
