My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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