I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
