her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
